Many times we have misunderstood the concept of marriage to be associated with duty and responsibility for different genders. It’s this misconception that has bred many challenges in families, especially when the couple is still fresh in their early years of marriage.
Often we ask questions like this man used to love me to the moon and back and maybe now all you see that the moon has become so nearer. Questions like; is this man cheating? Why has he reduced the care, attention? and you often feel like he has lost the princess treatment.
First before you ask yourself such a question, have you tried to get close to him and understand why he is acting strange ?Just like the way you want to be treated understand that men also crave and desire a prince treatment. In marriage there are small things you despise but they really matter to a man for instance shouting at the man in a manner that is uncouth, barbaric and archaic. Mostly we forget small words that matter such as “thank you, your most welcome, kulikayo, I, I am sorry. “They seem small but carry great meanings for the loved ones.
Endeavour to always use them in your daily conversations as a family. Consider differences maybe in how you handle small things like toothpaste. Some men just press toothpaste from the middle of the tube and you’re maybe used to pressing it from the bottom and often this irritates you spiking a quarrel. A towel is also a cause of quarrels where you find a man just places a towel on floor after use and maybe you’re not happy with the action.
Another cause maybe making the bed. Well it is clear that this is the duty of a woman in a bedroom to make the bed but what annoys most of the ladies is that she wakes up and leaves you in bed to do other chores in the house and maybe when you wake up you just leave the bed just like wind .This annoys but ladies please learn to multi task your man just like a simple compliment “hey help me make the bed or help me hold for me kids I first make the bed “trust me a loving husband will choose the simpler task of making the bed than holding and playing with kids, well others would choose holding the kids but at least it will reduce quarrels.
This looks small to most of the people but it’s a big mistake to have friends outside the marriage lane, as a partner it’s very bad to have friends of which your wife or husband doesn’t know all you do is to spend time talking to your friends even when he or she is around. This is a sign of disrespect and once uncontrolled breeds fights. One other thing you should understand as a woman is that sometimes men miss food made by their loved ones, the aroma of that food you make with your time matter a lot unlike the maids food at home. Probably the maid is not cooking to her perfection because she is a worker and sometime real food is the deal prepared by the wife, spare some time amidst your busy schedules and cook a meal for your loved ones. This is not a one sided I know of many men who can cook and cook perfectly well.
Men, as well understand that women miss certain things like dinner dates once in a while, make your lover feel so special, take her to new places and have that deep emotional conversation about your family and this creates togetherness other than the only time you took her out was after the wedding honeymoon. 1Peter Chapter 3’s teaching on submissiveness doesn’t encourage a woman to be too simple for a man but curtails love between the married couple.
The concept of submissiveness is not gender based nor does it prioritize roles in a relationship particularly our families but it teaches a man and a wife to support, love and make a family an interesting place for the two. Often we hear people saying that our homes have become prisons because there is no joy, happiness and at times this breeds family break ups, increase of divorce, a rise of single mothers and this affects moral upbringing of children.
If all of us can endure to support each other’s duty and make a happy family then we would have the best family as the saying Charity begins at home, I supplement that even development begins at home. A loving, disciplined family fosters development of a society and a development society creates opportunities such as jobs, employment and eventually a developing nation.
Tuhiirirwe is a 3rd year Journalism and Communication student at Makerere University.